Road To Baby: What to do while you wait

Our Baby hasn't come yet. And quite honestly the waiting period has been around 12 months long. Probably exactly 12 months longer than I was expecting. I didn't plan to wait and with that unplanningness (if that's a word) my patience was nil. So what do you do when you are waiting? I've learned a few things and would love to share them. 

Pray  When the daydreams come and you get lost for those few minutes of what the kitchen will look like with little sticky fingers to help you … but then remember you aren't pregnant … you stop. You pray. My faith has been such an integral part of this time for me. And prayer has helped bolster my faith that I will have healthy pregnancies that will give me healthy children. It has also provided me with the joy I've needed during this time of waiting. I pray. And pray and pray. Talking to my Savior about my hopes, fears, and desires surrounding parenthood. Praying helps to relieve the burden that all of this is not on my shoulders. And that my baby will come at the right time, and for reasons unknown to me right now is just not that time.

Focus on your Body  For about the last 6 months I've taken my health and wellness very seriously. Not that I didn't before, but I took a much deeper look at what I was eating, using, and doing to my body that may not be so healthy. Changed my eating habits using the whole 30 program, I learned what foods really fuel me and help to make me feel good. I started using more natural products such as my beauty products (different shampoos and home-made deodorant - recipe coming soon!) and our cleaning products. I am exercising more in ways that are fun and fit my needs. Walking more, slowing down our life a little, and finding time to just sit and breathe, all things that help to support a more whole me. 

Surround yourself with your tribe  Spend time with the people who energize you. The people who will make you laugh, understand when you just need a day to cry or just be still together. The people you surround yourself with will make a big difference. Make plans with these people. Do the things you like with them, dinner dates, Saturday outings, spa nights with your girls, whatever you do spend time with these people. Let your tribe be present with you, waiting with you during this time. 

Get away  One of the big issues for us during this time was what to do for vacation. Or rather, do we even go on a vacation. You want to save your money, save your vacation time, whatever it is for your maternity leave or first few weeks with baby. But you also need to get away. Plan little day trips - small weekend getaways to get you out of the house. Get you out the norm a little and break up the weeks. Little getaways even for the day or for a week are extremely refreshing for the soul. Spending time doing absolutely nothing away from your home or something totally out of your comfort zone are both amazing ways to help you during this time of waiting. Loosely plan that cruise or that trip to Mexico, knowing that either way it'll be a win-win. You'll either have to cancel because the greatest gift has finally arrived or you'll have a pretty amazing trip to go on. Either way it'll be great.  

Waiting is hard. No matter what the event it is you are waiting for make the most of this time. We get the time to grow our faith, strengthen our relationships and build up our tribe; we get the time to give our bodies love and become the healthiest versions of us so we can become the healthiest moms we can be. Be still. Quiet your mind. Find and do the small and big things that give you joy. And get away from it all every now and then. 

Wait patiently because baby will come. But make sure to love yourself in the meantime. 

xo // leah

Road to Baby: Your Ways are Good

I will trust in You.

We had a positive pregnancy test. Joy. Thank you Jesus. I couldn't wait to tell Cory so I called him right away while he was at work. Crying and rejoicing together through the phone. Thank you Jesus. I couldn't help but whisper this all day long. Thank you Jesus. 

No matter what I face, You are by my side.  

That night we celebrated and looked through some of the baby clothes that we've been collecting over the last year. I called my sister that day and we ugly cried through the phone and prayed and laughed and rejoiced. Thank you Jesus. 

I will trust in You. 

The next day we told my family. Oh the joy. No words could describe the happiness that was palpable that night. 

Mighty warrior, King of the fight; No matter what I face you are by my side.

But then I started bleeding. This isn't going to last. This baby that might have been just isn't going to make it through. The one good thing we've experienced on this road to baby was so quickly taken away. After a few days of blood tests it was confirmed that I had an early miscarriage. 

When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through. 

You quickly move from each feeling, anger, sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, and back through them again. The only thing I knew what to do was to practice. Practice rejoicing. I didn't want to stay in that cycle. That angry, sad woman is not me. Through the tears all I could do was talk to Jesus and thank Him for the last few days. The joy I felt during the first glimpse of two pink lines. The excitement of thinking of our due date and if we will have a son or a daughter. Thanking Him for the joy we felt for those few days. Thanking Him that something did happen and it was good, even though it didn't last. 

My hands are weary, I need Your rest. 

The only thing that really helped during those times was to play a song over and over again and to sing and cry and pray and thank the Lord for what is. 

This song by Laruen Daigle, Trust In You is my heart cry at this time. I think there are mountains that need to be moved in order for me to be at the ending of a baby in my arms. But maybe not. Maybe I need to walk around those mountains. Maybe I need to take the longer road, the harder road, but maybe it's the better road. The Lord is changing my heart. Making me see the joy in every moment; changing my heart to trust Him. 

And I do. I do trust in Him. I'm so proud of this trust. It's taken me a long time to get to this place of but it feels freeing and comforting; it's peace. It feels really good to have this heart but it is also is so, so hard. One thing I know is that His ways are good. They are loving, they are kind, they are perfect in timing and there is not a place I'll go that He hasn't already been. 

Thank you Jesus for your plans and for your love. 

I will trust in You. 

xo / leah

Easter Celebration

“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”

- Isaiah 25:9, ESV

This last Easter was so special. My sister and her boyfriend came down for the weekend. My parents hosted it along with some family friends, and it ended up being a pretty big celebration. After the 22 seats were set we celebrated all together how wonderful our Savior is. 

We definitely took the opportunity to take some family pics as well. 

How wonderful it is to know Jesus. To be able to know the One who lived and died to give us life. He loves us, everyone of us, so much to have given his life so we could have ours. I feel so overjoyed to know that I have a Saviour who loves me for who I am; not who I'm supposed to be, but who I am now. It is something to rejoice over, every single day. Amen that He lives!

He has risen // leah

New Year, New Me

There is something about the new year that brings a sense of beginning...no newness... It's like stepping out and breathing in the air of the seasons first rain. Refreshing, hopeful, inspiring. I usually have a sense of this feeling with every new year, but not like this. This year just feels different. Maybe I'm choosing for it be. Maybe I hope it will be. Just maybe it really will be. Either way I've decided to start this new years off differently.

Firstly I want this year to be full of rejoicing / Rejoicing:  the feeling or the expression of joy / Joy: Happiness over an unanticipated or present good.  I want to delight in the present; be joyful in the now; and give thanks for this very thing that is making the story of my life; the now.

Why is that so hard to do? Can't I always be happy in the now? Um..no. I have hopes and dreams that I want to happen..yesterday. I've been letting this bring me down, way down and it's not fair. It's not fair to myself. I'm robbing the joy of right now when I focus on the things that aren't. Let's tell myself that again. I'm robbing the joy that I can feel right now when I focus on the things that aren't happening yet.

^" Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is with you. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " 

Philippians 4:4-7

I want need to live more like this. I'm going to choose to not be so anxious on the things that aren't happening and focus on what is. What is beautiful. What brings joy to me. What is lovely and makes me smile. Will it be easy? No. Will I need reminders? Yes. But I'm going to start to choose this. 

Rejoice.

To start this year in a bang, to remind myself daily to rejoice in all circumstances, I got a tattoo. I got a tattoo? Yes I did. I didn't need to get it to remind myself to rejoice, but it definitely will help. A daily reminder. Right smack in my face every morning. I wanted a tattoo as well. Something that will permanently remind me of the change that has happened this start of the year. And I think it's pretty. 

This year is about progress, not perfection. If I can be even just a little more thankful, a little more joyful about right now then that's good enough for me. 

Happy new beginnings,

xo // leah

Photo Credits: Pamela Montanez // Photographer and Freelance Designer

Doing Life With Community

Community:  a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

How great is it to find people you love. People who share in your interests and your goals; people you call friends, wait, family. Over the past year and a half Cory and I have been figuring out who we are as a married couple and what our mission is for our marriage. Along this journey we've wanted to surround ourselves with friends who we can share life with. Friends that we can laugh with over nothing. Friends that will give us insight into the struggles we are facing in our marriage. Friends who will lovingly admonish us and tell us when we are wrong. Friends who we ultimately consider family. I think over this last year and a half we have found these people. 

There are two couples that we meet with once a month to talk about life. What we love in our spouses; what struggles we are facing in our marriages. We talk about our missions and how we are finding them or living them out. We eat, drink, and talk. We talk and talk; we cry sometimes, and talk some more. There is something so real and meaningful about these relationships and conversations. 

Finding community can be hard. When you've found it it takes work to develop those relationships. But work that is so worth it. Whether you are young marrieds, new parents, single girls, finding a community and letting each other in is a beautiful thing. Opening up can be hard at times, but its raw and good and what helps us grow. Doing life with community pushes us to be the better versions of ourselves. 

For my life I want something more. Something more than just doing it and figuring it out by myself. I need these people. I need them to tell me when I'm wrong. I need them to tell me yay we're proud of you. I need them to tell me I'm being selfish in my marriage. I need them to tell me I'm a beautiful woman.  As people we are drawn to people. Living life can be done alone, but why? Why not share it with those you love; people who can build you up. 

I'm beyond grateful for the friends we have. The couples above are two of a few that we have grown to call family. I'm grateful for where we are now. I'm cherishing this time. 

How great it is to do life with community, 

xo leah

All photos taken by Pamela Montanez 

(who you should hire for any photography related things, just saying')

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Dinner: The Best Lasagna Ever

Dessert: Little Raspberry Bites

1 c. smashed raspberries + 1/4 c. sugar mixed together

Place in packaged Phyllo dough cups (similar)

Bake according to package instructions

Top with whipped cream when slightly cooled

My Thoughts On Our 1st Year Of Marriage

++I don't know if I'll do this every year, but I wanted to definitely do it this year. Writing my thoughts and feelings down regarding our first year of marriage ++

This year has been truly amazing. So much fun I know that we've had. We only dated for 15 months before we became man and wife and that left a lot of "getting to know you" room in our first year of marriage. I truly believe that God made Cory for me, and me for him. We just fit so well together. Like we were the missing pieces of the puzzle of our lives. 

Dating.

One thing I really enjoyed about our first year was that we continued to date each other. Once your married it's very easy to not get all dressed up and go out for a fancy dinner, or meet at a coffee shop on the weekend. I see him every night. We don't have to go out on a date. Every night is date night. ummm wrong. Especially for us girls. We need those date nights! Dressing up for a fancy dinner, or just a movie night feels different, and more exciting. 

For newlyweds, definitely don't stop going out for dates. It keeps that dating spirit alive. 

Holidays. 

That was a fun time and one of the least stressful parts of our first year. Lucky me (or maybe not) I have to work some of the holidays. As a nurse it just comes with the territory. We talked long and hard about what holidays I should work and which ones we wanted to spend with each other. We decided to have Thanksgiving off and use the time to get our Christmas tree. I worked Christmas Eve and Christmas but had New Years Day off. And I think it turned out really well. We ended up having 3 Christmases and we'll be doing that for a few more years until kids come into the picture. Less stress around the holidays = better. They are a happy time and we didn't want to feel overwhelmed by having to see everyone on the same day. I know this won't work for every year but it helped our first year. 

Vacationing.

Cory and I share a love for trips. And making them a priority in our marriage is just what we did. The wedding season is busy. Can be stressful (ahem is stressful). The honeymoon is overwhelmingly amazing. Then you come home and it's life. I never had the "post-honeymoon blues" but we both experiencing a gnawing desire to keep vacations coming. So we did. We made sure to keep our October Beach Month tradition and head to the beach and stay for the weekend, we ventured to Sunriver with friends, Redmond with family, just everywhere we could. Vacationing together can be a great or tough experience. We both are very easy going travelers and I know that helped. Our first flight together was actually 5 months after we started dating. We went to Chicago to visit my family. We had that under our belt before getting married. However, road trips ensue more of the trouble. Who drives? Who chooses the music? Of course I have to stop and pee every hour...someone gets frustrated. What helped us was talking about the travels before we headed out. Expecting that I had to stop every now and then helped Cory to be more patient minded as we started the trip. And knowing that he can't listen to one song all the way through helped me out too (I just held onto the iPhone haha kidding). But in all seriousness, trips helped to keep our sense of adventure. Exploring new sights and places is fun, and even more with your best friend of a husband! 

The Harder Times.

The first year of marriage definitely had it's lows. Our first real fight was a petty one. On our anniversary we tried remembering it and it took effort. Why the heck did I try and sleep on the couch over that? Ya. It happens though. Emotions come out during this first year: She needs to respect me. He's not understanding where I'm coming from, so I'm going to be really sad and quiet until he does understand. I just won't bother her with this, I'm supposed to let it go...but then I don't and bring it up two weeks later. Weird ideas and thoughts on how to react/not-react, how to deal with arguments. It's tough! We took our vows but now living them out is harder than I thought. It really comes down to selfishness. We learned quickly that we had to put ourselves in each others brains & bodies. See it how he sees it and really make an effort to be the better person. Not saying that I always was or that Cory always was. But we tried. And one of us always did. And Jesus really helped with that. Praying for strength, patience and mostly a softened heart helped our first year. I couldn't have gone through it as smoothly without lots of prayer; by myself and together. I admitted my faults to Cory and asked him to pray with and for me. And he did the same. We are each other's rock. We need each other to encourage and admonish. Admitting your weaknesses makes your stronger. Humbling yourself makes you less selfish.  All those late night talks were diffifult but worth it. We came out of our first year better at communicating our needs and wants. And way better at listening to one another. 

We showed a lot of love to one another this year. And it was fun. We'll just leave that at that for now. 

Friends.

Being a married woman this year had its difficulties of balancing my time with my husband and my time with my friends. I don't have a lot of friends, just a close few. One thing we have tried to do together was make more couple friends. As young marrieds I found it more than incredibly important to have other young marrieds as friends. Having a girlfriend to talk to about what I was going through and hear her persepctive on the very same issue was encouraging. We invested some time in our church and joined a young marrieds group. This was the BEST thing we did for our marriage this first year. Making new friends that share our values of marriage helped us to keep accountable. Being open with another couple helped us to stay real to ourselves. When I was vulnerable I only gained better insight and wisdom. Make new couple friends. Ones that aren't biased to the wife or husband cause of years of friendship. I think that helped. 

Get a little crazy. 

I highly suggest continuing to be your fun crazy selves. Lot's of seriousness happens with the first year of marriage and it's important to let loose every now and then. Having one too many gin martini's allowed Cory to show off his hidden dance moves to me. And one too many spiked slurpees helped me try out his pipe on the roof a few nights. We did a few late night happy hours. Dressed up funny at home, made some weird dinners, just had fun. Be goofy. Sing songs loud and dance on your couch. Just cause we got married didn't mean we stopped having fun. 

See the best in one another. 

 It was easy to get caught up in Cory's faults. But that is not the way to foster a positive, loving relationship. Learning to see the best in him was a blessing. When I seeked the good that he was doing I found more of it.  It made me more proud of him, more attracted to him, and made me want to be around him more. All good things. It took effort. And of course we didn't let what bother us slide to the way side. But we didn't focus on the negative. 

Making decisions together.

We made few big decisions together in our first year of marriage. Together being the key word. For me, I see Cory as the head of our household. He truly rely's on God to make wise decisions for our family. And I trust him. I trust him because I know he is thinking of me and putting our needs above his own. This year we sold two of our vehicles and purchased two new (to us) ones. We bought a house. Huge decisions that we talked about, a lot. We prayed together. Thought individually about and then came together to share our thoughts. These decisions were huge ones that we knew would impact us for years down the road. It made it easy that we had a open, accepting air about our conversations. We made lists together and discussed the disagreements. I'm proud of how we handled the big decision and proud that we even took them on. It makes me excited to do more "big adult things" with Cory :) 

Share in each other's passions.

I loved seeing Cory explore more of his hobbies. New and old. Getting excited about what he wanted to try helped us to connect on a different level. Him trying wood working for the first time was a vulnerable thing for him. Making something and it failing was easier because I supported him. He needed my support to continue and I gave him just that. Supporting my husband this first year hasn't been easy all the time. But when I knew I had, and did, it made all the difference in the world for him. He supported me as well. Even though I don't have as many hobbies as him, he supported me when I wanted to do things we him. 

One side of Cory I was able to see more this last year was his nurturing side. While dating that side of him came out, but not very often. We just didn't have a whole lot of experiences for him to really show that side. This last year brought times where I needed to be nurtured. Sick and not feeling well he made me soup, snuggled me on the couch, played with my hair, and gave me foot massages. Hello! Everything that I want my husband to do when I am not feeling well. He stood up to the plate and took care of me and showed his loving and tender side. And I sure do love that side of him. Getting our little fur-baby has shown his "daddy" side come out. Kids aren't for a few more years, but it's been fun seeing him cuddle her, play with her, and discipline her in such a nurturing way. It makes me even more excited to know who I chose to spend the rest of my life with. He is a great husband and fur-baby dad and I am so at peace looking forward to when he becomes a real dad. 

Marrying Cory was one of the greatest decisions of my life. Marrying him young, at 22, carries no regrets for me. I found my partner in life. I chose to devote my love, respect, and self to him. Marriage brings a lot of responsibilities (to your spouse and to yourself).  Having that one you love to cherish and focus your attention on, to build up, to support, to support you and share in life's joys and sorrow is one of the greatest gifts we get. To become man and wife opens up a door of commitment that allows two people to become vulnerable and open and share their whole world with one another. I'm so happy God brought Cory to me and so deeply joyed by the life I have with him. 

I truly love you Cory and love the marriage we have begun. I continue to vow to try and understand you and make efforts to love you the best I can. 

To many more years of sweet lovin'.