October 10, 2016
Being a mother is definitely the best job around! I get to do life with this little buddy in tow, showing him the world and watching him delight in it. It is also freaking hard work. Not only physically but emotionally. Being responsible for not only keeping this little human alive, but teaching him how to become a healthy, responsible, kind human. Phew!
Mothering is everything I thought it would be and nothing like I expected. The fun I have playing with him, the way my heart explodes seeing him in a ridiculously adorable outfit, and the joy I have of watching him accomplish new tasks - everything I hoped and dreamed it would be like. But the sleep deprivation, the constant neediness, and the fact that it is a job I can never put pause on… it's way more than I expected.
I think I definitely had the postpartum blues during those first two months of his life. I was happy, don't get me wrong, but also kind of numb; just going through the motions of the day at times, waiting for bedtime to come. Once we hit 5 months I realized this wasn't what I wanted. I realized I wanted to be genuinely happy, not just doing the tasks I had to do - nursing, diaper changes, meal planning and cooking - but I wanted to live them. I wanted to have more joy in the mundane tasks. Because I realized those mundane things, as a whole, create this beautiful crazy life that I really do love. I didn't want to look back and think of how little joy I had during this time. I wanted to look back and think, wow! Those were the days. They were hard, but boy were they fun!
So I decided to think of (and do) ways to become happier. So here are the five ways I've genuinely become a more happier mom:
1. Be Thankful
This one is probably the biggest one for me. When we were struggling to conceive I remember what helped me was making lists of things I were thankful for. At first I had to actually write them down but as it became easier for me I just would say what I was thankful for out loud, or make a running list in my head. Pausing in a moment of feeling low, frustrated, stressed, ______ (insert whatever) , you can always find at least something to be thankful for. For example, when I was getting super annoyed, at the verge of tears most nights, of having to wake up with my 5 month old 3 times a night, I paused and thought I'm really thankful I'm here at home rocking my healthy 5 month old and not, say, at the hospital with him. Now things don't always have to be that big, but that was just one of my examples. I'm thankful that I have dry socks and shoes during this rainy season. Little things as well add up, and you'd be amazed at the change of your mood when you start acknowledging the blessings
2. Turn on Music
Wow does Lewis like music. We have our certain pandora stations we listen to at different parts of the day and man oh man does it help both of our moods. Turning on some fun music, singing along, and sometimes even dancing a long can really turn those grumps upside down.
3. Go outside
Fresh air is important for us. It can really center us, being out in nature, remind us that everything is going to be okay. And I realized babies love getting outside. If we go outside at least once a day, Lewis' mood is just a little calmer.
4. Vent to other moms
It is important to be thankful, as I listed it as number one here. But to be real, sometimes we just need to vent. We need to hear the words, I totally get you, I know what you mean. Having friends to vent to, and especially other moms who truly know what you mean, is so invaluable. Having a village is so important! Those other moms to tell you we have no idea what we are doing either and the friends without kids to remind you that you are more than diaper changes and nap schedules. Each are equally important and venting can be so therapeutic.
5. Self Love
Give yourself grace. Like I said above, most of us don't know what we are doing until we are doing it. That's the scary and relieving thing about parenthood. It's scary because there isn't a manual about how to take care of all the situations that arise. But the relieving thing is that there isn't just one right way. Giving myself grace has been so important for my journey.
Getting out of the house, alone, has been really important. Spending time with myself to remind me that I am more than just a mom. It is a super big part of me, but it's not the only part of me. Spending the time to be healthy too is vital. I've had Cory do many a bedtimes so I can cook us healthy nourishing meals; or have my mom watch him for an afternoon so I can meal prep some meals for my work week because grabbing the leftover pizza and some cuties just aren't gonna cut it. I needed to take the extra time to prepare to be healthy.
By doing these things I've definitely noticed that I am happier. I'm probably just as sleepy but that fluctuates with Lewis' sleeping patters. The fact that I am eating healthy, spending time to myself and with my friends have made a big difference. I'm choosing to find the joy in every situation, because it really is there! And at the same time reminding myself to have grace.
// leah
