Talking Buns: 5 Things

This weekend was really great. My friend Pam was in town and, as usual, she brought her camera and snapped some pictures. She took some of me, my little family, and of the place we call home. We were able to have some much needed one on one catching up time (as she just moved to Missouri!), we spent some time with friends, and I was able to get some rest and have a little me-time. There were some really great things that stuck with me this weekend and I thought I couldn't help but share 5 of them (they are a little random so bare with me).

1. See yourself as others see you

I love when Pam takes photos of my family. She has a way of capturing not just moments, but emotions. Whenever I see the photos of myself I always comment, "Pam you make me look so pretty!". And her response is always "you are pretty, that's how I always see you.".  She has said this comment before but I've always brushed it off. This time I actually took it to heart. Lately I think my eyes and ears have been a little more open and receptive to what has been around me. Novel thought, what if we actually took to heart all the compliments that people told us about ourselves? How pretty we are, how smart we are; how wonderful we raise our children, how well we do at keeping a calm home. The list goes on. How wonderful it would be to grow our self love and self worth if we listened to the positives and believed them ourselves. I'm going to try to do this more often. How about trying it as well?

2. Share your feelings with those who have similar experiences

Over the past few weeks after our recent loss it's been paramount for me to be able to talk. Share to my spouse how I'm feeling, as those emotions come up. Every day is different, my mood changes and different things trigger that. Sharing how I'm feeling with Cory has been so important. But there was that missing piece that he just couldn't relate to. The longing to be a mom and the feelings you get when your body just says no. I connected with a friend who had a miscarriage recently. Freeing. How freeing it was to share exactly how I was feeling with some other woman who has felt the same way. My feelings were validated and I feel like I've finally had some closure with the situation. Everyone is different and has their preferences with how they grieve, however, I truly believe there is something powerful in talking things through. And a good cry at that as well.

3. Alone time is rejuvenating

Don't schedule a thing. For a whole day. Absolutely nothing. When we have time to just breath in silence, to not have to leave the house for anything, we get recharged. Make that fancy grocery list and rewrite it twice if you want just to make it look pretty, go for a walk at that very second you decide you want to; you want new flowers in the house, go get a few bunches. Do want you want, not what you need to do. Give your time to just be. Take some calming breaths and re-center yourself. Give yourself time. Whatever that may look like. Time to think, breath, stretch, eat healthy, refocus your goals. Be alone with yourself for a little bit. Oh the things it can do for you.

4. Shopping is always therapeutic

If you are in Portland there is a cute little store I just discovered. Porch Light It's this cute little Anthro-inspired store that sells a variety of feel good things. See candles, succulents, and beautiful jewelry. It's been on my check-out list for a while and I finally was able to pop in.

5. Eating clean is good all around

I decided to start another round of whole 30. I was feeling a little disconnected from my eating habits and from my body lately. And what better way then to do a little reboot. The whole 30 program is really great and I definitely swear by the fact that I do feel better when I eat this way. I'm ready to reconnect with my body and the foods I'm eating. Ready to get back into a healthy routine of eating habits before the summer ends.

Thanks for listening to all that randomness! I dare you to give yourself some alone time if you are feeling like you need a recharge. Laugh and love yourself.

xo / leah

Road to Baby: Your Ways are Good

I will trust in You.

We had a positive pregnancy test. Joy. Thank you Jesus. I couldn't wait to tell Cory so I called him right away while he was at work. Crying and rejoicing together through the phone. Thank you Jesus. I couldn't help but whisper this all day long. Thank you Jesus. 

No matter what I face, You are by my side.  

That night we celebrated and looked through some of the baby clothes that we've been collecting over the last year. I called my sister that day and we ugly cried through the phone and prayed and laughed and rejoiced. Thank you Jesus. 

I will trust in You. 

The next day we told my family. Oh the joy. No words could describe the happiness that was palpable that night. 

Mighty warrior, King of the fight; No matter what I face you are by my side.

But then I started bleeding. This isn't going to last. This baby that might have been just isn't going to make it through. The one good thing we've experienced on this road to baby was so quickly taken away. After a few days of blood tests it was confirmed that I had an early miscarriage. 

When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through. 

You quickly move from each feeling, anger, sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, and back through them again. The only thing I knew what to do was to practice. Practice rejoicing. I didn't want to stay in that cycle. That angry, sad woman is not me. Through the tears all I could do was talk to Jesus and thank Him for the last few days. The joy I felt during the first glimpse of two pink lines. The excitement of thinking of our due date and if we will have a son or a daughter. Thanking Him for the joy we felt for those few days. Thanking Him that something did happen and it was good, even though it didn't last. 

My hands are weary, I need Your rest. 

The only thing that really helped during those times was to play a song over and over again and to sing and cry and pray and thank the Lord for what is. 

This song by Laruen Daigle, Trust In You is my heart cry at this time. I think there are mountains that need to be moved in order for me to be at the ending of a baby in my arms. But maybe not. Maybe I need to walk around those mountains. Maybe I need to take the longer road, the harder road, but maybe it's the better road. The Lord is changing my heart. Making me see the joy in every moment; changing my heart to trust Him. 

And I do. I do trust in Him. I'm so proud of this trust. It's taken me a long time to get to this place of but it feels freeing and comforting; it's peace. It feels really good to have this heart but it is also is so, so hard. One thing I know is that His ways are good. They are loving, they are kind, they are perfect in timing and there is not a place I'll go that He hasn't already been. 

Thank you Jesus for your plans and for your love. 

I will trust in You. 

xo / leah

Birthday: Quarter of a Century

{photo circa 1995 of my sister and I at the Portland Rose Gardens}

This weekend I turned 25!! The day was absolutely perfect. We did exactly what I was hoping to do. Eat and walk my way around Portland. But before we get started with how awesome the day was, lets rewind to a few days prior. 

My twin sister and I share a birthday, obviously, but my brother is two years younger than us and was born just 4 days after our 2nd birthday. My sister drove down from Seattle for a night so we all could celebrate together. We ordered pizzas and just sat around outside catching up and talking about the year that was and the year that was to be. 

It was so special to have both of them there to start this birthday week off right. 

On my actual birthday I woke up to the smell of bacon being cooked in the kitchen by Cory. That man knows the way to my heart. After a light breakfast we headed to Pip's Doughnuts for the most amazing doughnuts I've ever had. I've been looking forward to going to the place for a while. Not only do they have perfectly small, delicious, hand-made doughnuts, but they have Chai flights (!!) , and on your birthday you get a free dozen of those little yummies. So yeah, this day started off perfectly! We were able to try all there little flavor combinations and taste every last drop of their perfectly made Chai. My favorite doughnut was the apricot-habenero and my favorite chai was the King and I. 

We walked around Fremont for a little while, perusing through little shops and just exploring that part of Portland. Some beautiful homes are in this neighborhood as well. We then headed over to Division where we knew we'd be having lunch. We walked around and explored some more shops, a fun one was Artifact; a place to get neat little gifts, up-cycled clothes, jewelry and furniture pieces, definitely Portland I'd say. We were halfway trying to find a new restaurant to try for lunch, but the Pok Pok wings were calling us and we just couldn't resist. 

Of course we weren't disappointed. After a delicious lunch we decided to head home to cool off a bit (it was 95 that afternoon) and to rest up before night time. 

Cory surprised me with dinner. He made reservations at Departure and completely surprised me with this gorgeous restaurant downtown. He's not the type who loves being downtown and after a day of walking around it I didn't think he'd be up for going back down. But he surprised me and it was oh so wonderful! We split a couple small plates from the restaurant and had a few cocktails to celebrate the day. We then met up with some friends at East Burn for some rounds of Skee Ball and Cornhole. We stayed there for a few hours before realizing we were hungry again. So we finished the night at Straight from new York for none other than a huge slice of pizza. 

The day was so wonderful and I felt incredibly special. I have an amazing husband who surprises and spoils me, I have a city that is just dripping with good food and fun places, and friends who love to have a good time. This birthday looks a little different than what I was expecting it to, but it was so wonderful and one I will always remember. 

Thank you to everyone, friend and family, who made this birthday time a lovely one. 

xo / leah

Birthday: 25 My Wishlist

In just a few days I'll be turning 25! A whole quarter of a century old! I'm excited for this birthday. I keep saying that every year it gets better and better, and it just is. I love making resolutions for myself and seeing where I am as another year passes. Birthdays are also a lot of fun. I like to treat myself to something special for the day, either something small like a Slurpee or something bigger like a new dress. So with that I thought it would be fun to make a little wish list. 

Earrings from Nordstrom

This Dress

Necklace from Seaworthy

Tshirt..duh

Beautiful Coasters

Loveology

Maybe I'll treat myself to one of those items this year.

Happy Birthday to me!

xo / leah

Make: Sesame Almond Butter Date Balls

These little guys are jammed packed with protein, good fats, and antioxidants. They are really easy to make and easy to make variations to them. 

STEP ONE

Gather Ingredients

Dates

Almond Butter

Mixed Nuts

Ground Flax Seeds *

Sesame Seeds

*(I use a coffee grinder to easily grind them)

STEP TWO

Mix dates, almond butter, ground flax seeds, and mixed nuts in a food processor. I used about 12 dates, 4T of almond butter, 1/4 c. nuts, and 4T flax seeds. Blend until you have a mixture in between brown sugar and dough consistency. It should be easily formed into a ball. If it's too sticky add some water or more ground flax seeds. If it's falling apart add more butter. 

STEP THREE

Form the mixture into little balls. Make them the right size for you. I make mine big enough to have about 3 for a little snack. You can make them as little or big as you want.

STEP FOUR

Roll the balls into sesame seeds. And you're done! 

Enjoy!

xo / leah

+++ VARIATIONS +++

Instead of Dates use: Raisins, Prunes, or Cranberries

Use just sunflower seeds or your favorite type of nuts instead of mixed

Instead of Almond Butter use: Peanut or Sunflower

Add a little cocoa or chai powder for some extra flavor

Holiday: Independence Day

I hope everyone had a safe and fun 4th of July celebration! I worked all weekend but we made some time to be outside to listen to some of the fireworks. We usually go downtown for the annual show but we just weren't feeling it this year. Hopefully I'll have it off next year so we can celebrate for real. I'm dreaming of a backyard BBQ all red, white, and blue themed complete with hot dogs and corn-hole. 

Happy Birthday America and thank you for all those who have and are fighting to keep this country free!

xo / leah

PDX Favorites: Sauvie Island Farm

A couple of weeks ago my mom and I headed to Sauvie Island Farms. This has become my new favorite summer tradition. I went for the first time last year with my friend Lauren and I was partially embarrassed that I had NEVER been here before. Just North of downtown Portland, acres and acres of you-pick farms. There are few things better than sunshine and berry picking, at least in the summer. 

We picked a real good bunch of Marionberries and Blueberries, enough to last us till next summer. It was hot that day and I was extra thankful some of their sprinklers were running. Yup I was that person running in the sprinkles like a little kid. But it felt amazing. 

Here's to farms and berries for days. 

xo / leah