++I don't know if I'll do this every year, but I wanted to definitely do it this year. Writing my thoughts and feelings down regarding our first year of marriage ++
This year has been truly amazing. So much fun I know that we've had. We only dated for 15 months before we became man and wife and that left a lot of "getting to know you" room in our first year of marriage. I truly believe that God made Cory for me, and me for him. We just fit so well together. Like we were the missing pieces of the puzzle of our lives.
Dating.
One thing I really enjoyed about our first year was that we continued to date each other. Once your married it's very easy to not get all dressed up and go out for a fancy dinner, or meet at a coffee shop on the weekend. I see him every night. We don't have to go out on a date. Every night is date night. ummm wrong. Especially for us girls. We need those date nights! Dressing up for a fancy dinner, or just a movie night feels different, and more exciting.
For newlyweds, definitely don't stop going out for dates. It keeps that dating spirit alive.
Holidays.
That was a fun time and one of the least stressful parts of our first year. Lucky me (or maybe not) I have to work some of the holidays. As a nurse it just comes with the territory. We talked long and hard about what holidays I should work and which ones we wanted to spend with each other. We decided to have Thanksgiving off and use the time to get our Christmas tree. I worked Christmas Eve and Christmas but had New Years Day off. And I think it turned out really well. We ended up having 3 Christmases and we'll be doing that for a few more years until kids come into the picture. Less stress around the holidays = better. They are a happy time and we didn't want to feel overwhelmed by having to see everyone on the same day. I know this won't work for every year but it helped our first year.
Vacationing.
Cory and I share a love for trips. And making them a priority in our marriage is just what we did. The wedding season is busy. Can be stressful (ahem is stressful). The honeymoon is overwhelmingly amazing. Then you come home and it's life. I never had the "post-honeymoon blues" but we both experiencing a gnawing desire to keep vacations coming. So we did. We made sure to keep our October Beach Month tradition and head to the beach and stay for the weekend, we ventured to Sunriver with friends, Redmond with family, just everywhere we could. Vacationing together can be a great or tough experience. We both are very easy going travelers and I know that helped. Our first flight together was actually 5 months after we started dating. We went to Chicago to visit my family. We had that under our belt before getting married. However, road trips ensue more of the trouble. Who drives? Who chooses the music? Of course I have to stop and pee every hour...someone gets frustrated. What helped us was talking about the travels before we headed out. Expecting that I had to stop every now and then helped Cory to be more patient minded as we started the trip. And knowing that he can't listen to one song all the way through helped me out too (I just held onto the iPhone haha kidding). But in all seriousness, trips helped to keep our sense of adventure. Exploring new sights and places is fun, and even more with your best friend of a husband!
The Harder Times.
The first year of marriage definitely had it's lows. Our first real fight was a petty one. On our anniversary we tried remembering it and it took effort. Why the heck did I try and sleep on the couch over that? Ya. It happens though. Emotions come out during this first year: She needs to respect me. He's not understanding where I'm coming from, so I'm going to be really sad and quiet until he does understand. I just won't bother her with this, I'm supposed to let it go...but then I don't and bring it up two weeks later. Weird ideas and thoughts on how to react/not-react, how to deal with arguments. It's tough! We took our vows but now living them out is harder than I thought. It really comes down to selfishness. We learned quickly that we had to put ourselves in each others brains & bodies. See it how he sees it and really make an effort to be the better person. Not saying that I always was or that Cory always was. But we tried. And one of us always did. And Jesus really helped with that. Praying for strength, patience and mostly a softened heart helped our first year. I couldn't have gone through it as smoothly without lots of prayer; by myself and together. I admitted my faults to Cory and asked him to pray with and for me. And he did the same. We are each other's rock. We need each other to encourage and admonish. Admitting your weaknesses makes your stronger. Humbling yourself makes you less selfish. All those late night talks were diffifult but worth it. We came out of our first year better at communicating our needs and wants. And way better at listening to one another.
We showed a lot of love to one another this year. And it was fun. We'll just leave that at that for now.
Friends.
Being a married woman this year had its difficulties of balancing my time with my husband and my time with my friends. I don't have a lot of friends, just a close few. One thing we have tried to do together was make more couple friends. As young marrieds I found it more than incredibly important to have other young marrieds as friends. Having a girlfriend to talk to about what I was going through and hear her persepctive on the very same issue was encouraging. We invested some time in our church and joined a young marrieds group. This was the BEST thing we did for our marriage this first year. Making new friends that share our values of marriage helped us to keep accountable. Being open with another couple helped us to stay real to ourselves. When I was vulnerable I only gained better insight and wisdom. Make new couple friends. Ones that aren't biased to the wife or husband cause of years of friendship. I think that helped.
Get a little crazy.
I highly suggest continuing to be your fun crazy selves. Lot's of seriousness happens with the first year of marriage and it's important to let loose every now and then. Having one too many gin martini's allowed Cory to show off his hidden dance moves to me. And one too many spiked slurpees helped me try out his pipe on the roof a few nights. We did a few late night happy hours. Dressed up funny at home, made some weird dinners, just had fun. Be goofy. Sing songs loud and dance on your couch. Just cause we got married didn't mean we stopped having fun.
See the best in one another.
It was easy to get caught up in Cory's faults. But that is not the way to foster a positive, loving relationship. Learning to see the best in him was a blessing. When I seeked the good that he was doing I found more of it. It made me more proud of him, more attracted to him, and made me want to be around him more. All good things. It took effort. And of course we didn't let what bother us slide to the way side. But we didn't focus on the negative.
Making decisions together.
We made few big decisions together in our first year of marriage. Together being the key word. For me, I see Cory as the head of our household. He truly rely's on God to make wise decisions for our family. And I trust him. I trust him because I know he is thinking of me and putting our needs above his own. This year we sold two of our vehicles and purchased two new (to us) ones. We bought a house. Huge decisions that we talked about, a lot. We prayed together. Thought individually about and then came together to share our thoughts. These decisions were huge ones that we knew would impact us for years down the road. It made it easy that we had a open, accepting air about our conversations. We made lists together and discussed the disagreements. I'm proud of how we handled the big decision and proud that we even took them on. It makes me excited to do more "big adult things" with Cory :)
Share in each other's passions.
I loved seeing Cory explore more of his hobbies. New and old. Getting excited about what he wanted to try helped us to connect on a different level. Him trying wood working for the first time was a vulnerable thing for him. Making something and it failing was easier because I supported him. He needed my support to continue and I gave him just that. Supporting my husband this first year hasn't been easy all the time. But when I knew I had, and did, it made all the difference in the world for him. He supported me as well. Even though I don't have as many hobbies as him, he supported me when I wanted to do things we him.
One side of Cory I was able to see more this last year was his nurturing side. While dating that side of him came out, but not very often. We just didn't have a whole lot of experiences for him to really show that side. This last year brought times where I needed to be nurtured. Sick and not feeling well he made me soup, snuggled me on the couch, played with my hair, and gave me foot massages. Hello! Everything that I want my husband to do when I am not feeling well. He stood up to the plate and took care of me and showed his loving and tender side. And I sure do love that side of him. Getting our little fur-baby has shown his "daddy" side come out. Kids aren't for a few more years, but it's been fun seeing him cuddle her, play with her, and discipline her in such a nurturing way. It makes me even more excited to know who I chose to spend the rest of my life with. He is a great husband and fur-baby dad and I am so at peace looking forward to when he becomes a real dad.
Marrying Cory was one of the greatest decisions of my life. Marrying him young, at 22, carries no regrets for me. I found my partner in life. I chose to devote my love, respect, and self to him. Marriage brings a lot of responsibilities (to your spouse and to yourself). Having that one you love to cherish and focus your attention on, to build up, to support, to support you and share in life's joys and sorrow is one of the greatest gifts we get. To become man and wife opens up a door of commitment that allows two people to become vulnerable and open and share their whole world with one another. I'm so happy God brought Cory to me and so deeply joyed by the life I have with him.
I truly love you Cory and love the marriage we have begun. I continue to vow to try and understand you and make efforts to love you the best I can.
To many more years of sweet lovin'.
