I will trust in You.
We had a positive pregnancy test. Joy. Thank you Jesus. I couldn't wait to tell Cory so I called him right away while he was at work. Crying and rejoicing together through the phone. Thank you Jesus. I couldn't help but whisper this all day long. Thank you Jesus.
No matter what I face, You are by my side.
That night we celebrated and looked through some of the baby clothes that we've been collecting over the last year. I called my sister that day and we ugly cried through the phone and prayed and laughed and rejoiced. Thank you Jesus.
I will trust in You.
The next day we told my family. Oh the joy. No words could describe the happiness that was palpable that night.
Mighty warrior, King of the fight; No matter what I face you are by my side.
But then I started bleeding. This isn't going to last. This baby that might have been just isn't going to make it through. The one good thing we've experienced on this road to baby was so quickly taken away. After a few days of blood tests it was confirmed that I had an early miscarriage.
When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through.
You quickly move from each feeling, anger, sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, and back through them again. The only thing I knew what to do was to practice. Practice rejoicing. I didn't want to stay in that cycle. That angry, sad woman is not me. Through the tears all I could do was talk to Jesus and thank Him for the last few days. The joy I felt during the first glimpse of two pink lines. The excitement of thinking of our due date and if we will have a son or a daughter. Thanking Him for the joy we felt for those few days. Thanking Him that something did happen and it was good, even though it didn't last.
My hands are weary, I need Your rest.
The only thing that really helped during those times was to play a song over and over again and to sing and cry and pray and thank the Lord for what is.
This song by Laruen Daigle, Trust In You is my heart cry at this time. I think there are mountains that need to be moved in order for me to be at the ending of a baby in my arms. But maybe not. Maybe I need to walk around those mountains. Maybe I need to take the longer road, the harder road, but maybe it's the better road. The Lord is changing my heart. Making me see the joy in every moment; changing my heart to trust Him.
And I do. I do trust in Him. I'm so proud of this trust. It's taken me a long time to get to this place of but it feels freeing and comforting; it's peace. It feels really good to have this heart but it is also is so, so hard. One thing I know is that His ways are good. They are loving, they are kind, they are perfect in timing and there is not a place I'll go that He hasn't already been.
Thank you Jesus for your plans and for your love.
I will trust in You.
xo / leah
When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through.
You quickly move from each feeling, anger, sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, and back through them again. The only thing I knew what to do was to practice. Practice rejoicing. I didn't want to stay in that cycle. That angry, sad woman is not me. Through the tears all I could do was talk to Jesus and thank Him for the last few days. The joy I felt during the first glimpse of two pink lines. The excitement of thinking of our due date and if we will have a son or a daughter. Thanking Him for the joy we felt for those few days. Thanking Him that something did happen and it was good, even though it didn't last.
My hands are weary, I need Your rest.
The only thing that really helped during those times was to play a song over and over again and to sing and cry and pray and thank the Lord for what is.
This song by Laruen Daigle, Trust In You is my heart cry at this time. I think there are mountains that need to be moved in order for me to be at the ending of a baby in my arms. But maybe not. Maybe I need to walk around those mountains. Maybe I need to take the longer road, the harder road, but maybe it's the better road. The Lord is changing my heart. Making me see the joy in every moment; changing my heart to trust Him.
And I do. I do trust in Him. I'm so proud of this trust. It's taken me a long time to get to this place of but it feels freeing and comforting; it's peace. It feels really good to have this heart but it is also is so, so hard. One thing I know is that His ways are good. They are loving, they are kind, they are perfect in timing and there is not a place I'll go that He hasn't already been.
Thank you Jesus for your plans and for your love.
I will trust in You.
xo / leah
Hi there :) I have been following for a while and I really enjoy your blog. This post really touched me. I just wanted to drop a note to say... I really don't know what to say, don't lose hope I am sure God has the best of plans. I know a couple who has waited for around 7 years and now has two little boys. I hope you won't be waiting that long but what I meant is that there is always hope and the way you take time ,while in pain, to rejoice is wonderful and inspiring. And sorry if my comments bothered you in any way. We might not be sharing the same religion (I am Muslim btw) but we both have faith in common. Greetings from Egypt and have a wonderful day.
ReplyDeleteHello Hanan! Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and say some sweet and encouraging words. I appreciate them! I know God is so good and things will happen in His time. I hope you have a blessed day and thank you for following along :)
ReplyDelete/ leah