Marriage: What Works

As we are soon approaching the end of our 3rd year of marriage I couldn't help but think of these last few years. Cory and I can both say we've found a really good flow of our marriage. Despite all the comments of well-meaning friends and family, the first few years haven't been that tough. Yes we've had our moments but overall its been fun and rather easy. Every marriage is different and there will always be some advice on how to have a successful marriage, but it's been really nice to take that advice and use it how we see fit. These are a few things that have worked for us these last three years and I want to continue doing them throughout our marriage.

Laugh often Honestly not a day goes by that we aren't laughing about something. Either one of us has done or said something, our dogs have done something, or we've chosen to watch some pretty comical entertainment. Whatever it is we laugh often. We are able to laugh at ourselves and fill our conversations and what we watch with light-hearted topics. Being able to not take life, situations, or ourselves too seriously has been really helpful at making these first few years fun and not too stressful.

Intentionally listen  At our pre-marital counseling we did exercises that made you practice this idea. "I hear you saying ___ and I hear that it makes you feel ___". As silly as it felt constantly saying that phrase, man does it really help. It helps to make sure you are understanding exactly what your spouse is saying, what they are feeling, and what might be their biggest qualm with whatever is happening. My husband is a firm believer that how you say something is more effective than what you are actually saying. Many a times he thought I felt/meant something just by listening to my tone. When in reality what I was saying was all I felt and needed him to understand. It's been a great tool to use this little phrase during those heated arguments or times when we felt like we really weren't making headway with a discussion.

Community  We both come from somewhat small friends group. Before we were married we each had just a hand few of close friends that we saw often. When we were married we realized that it was important for us to start making some new friends, new to the both of us and friends that were married. I had my girlfriend and he had his guy friends, but we knew we needed some married friends to go along with us during this ride of marriage. We met a few new couple friends from work and through church and the community we have now is such a strong one. It's been really helpful to start new relationships. Friends that are ours and friends we could talk to about the ups and downs we were experiencing in marriage.

Marriage is a lot of fun. It takes work, constant work. Keep love flowing, keep it fun, and have those friends around you to support you both. Very excited that I married the man I did. We have had some great years and I just feel proud as we round out the last of our third year.

xo // leah